What Does The Bible Say About Disagreements In Marriage
The Word of God is useful in training us and equipping us for all good work, including marriage. Those who do not respect Scripture do so at their own risk and those of their marriage. We are headed with each other in so-called “I feel” statements (explaining our own perspective) rather than in “you” statements about our spouse that they have feelings that they have or do not. (An example of this would be, “I feel lonely when you`re so far away,” instead of “you never go home.”) Another important principle that must be applied in marriage is to resolve conflicts as quickly as possible. Both friends should accept this principle very early in the relationship. Paul said in Ephesians 4:26-27: “Do not sigh in your wrath: do not let the sun set while you are angry, and give no support to the devil.” Often God uses our spouse as sand paper to smooth out areas in our lives that do not reflect Christ. It has often been said: “Marriage does not mean happiness; It`s a matter of holiness. And if we are holy, then we will be truly happy. In marriage, we enter into the relationship of ultimate responsibility that must help us grow as children of God (cf. Ep 5: 25-27). If one of you has a complaint against another, will he dare to go before the law before the unjust rather than the saints? Or don`t you know that the saints will judge the world? And if you want the world to be judged, are you incompetent to try trivial cases? Don`t you know we have to judge angels? How much more about this life! So, if you have such cases, why present them to those who have no place in the church? I say this to your shame. None of you may be smart enough to settle a dispute between the brothers…
This is important for a number of reasons. First of all, it shows respect for our spouse. It is disrespectful to discuss a problem with our mother, friend or someone else who was not first discussed with our spouse. If our spouse finds out, he or she can actually create more conflicts. Second, each story has two sides, and those closest to us (such as family and friends) may not have the ability to counsel us without prejudice. Even for me, as a pastoral counsellor, I really have to work hard to not come to conclusions after hearing a single page of history. This does not mean that we should not talk to those closest to us, but only after trying to solve the problem with our spouse. And when we talk to others, we should always respect and honor our spouse.
This is difficult because the natural response to processes and conflicts is to save or end. And a lot of couples do. At one point, they say, “Enough is enough; I can`t live like this” and they stopped. Some do so by divorcing, others by distancing themselves emotionally and physically as they stop working to repair the marriage. But writing teaches us to persevere in trials, including conflicts. The word means “to bear under a heavy weight.” God matures us individually and socially as we bear under the heavy weight. He teaches us to trust him more. It helps us to develop peace, patience and joy, whatever our circumstances. It helps us to grow in a characteristic way if we “let perseverance finish its work.” For many, it is counter-cultural. In serious conflicts, many couples are reluctant to invite someone into their marriage to help.
Pride prevents them from unmasking themselves and getting the help they need. This is actually another result of the case. When Adam and Eve looked at the forbidden tree, they saw each other, saw their nudity and hid. Then they put fig leaves. In the fall, humanity lost its transparency.